(GATE CREAKING)
(SCREECHING)
(DOG HOWLING)
(SCREECHING)
(INDISTINCT WHISPERING)
(CACKLING)
(CRYPTKEEPER SPEAKING)
-REFEREE: Out. -What?
Are you bIind?
That baII was on the Iine, paI!
Oh, heIIo, kiddies.
I was just warming up for the WimbIetomb Tennis Tournament.
NormaIIy I Iove a bit of stiff competition,
but this guy is driving me nuts!
StiII, the match isn't over yet.
We're pIaying beast two out of three.
Which brings to mind the man in tonight's taIe.
He's about to pIay a IittIe die-breaker of his own
in a sickening hacks-hibition I caII
''Kidnapper''.
dANNY:: It's funny the effects a baby can have on peopIe:
Not ''ha-ha '' funny, but funny:
One time the vicar at my church said
that chiIdren are God's opinion that the worId shouldgo on:
I don't know ifIagree with him or not.
Iguess, deep down, IaIways thought he stole that offa T-shirt.
StiII, it's funny the effects a chiId can have:
HeIIo.
HeIIo, there!
HeIIo.
Cute.
(GURGLING)
Is it a boy or a girI?
It's a boy.
My girIfriend had a baby Iast year.
(EXCLAIMS)
dANNY:: Imean, there are things you never think about
when a baby comes aIong:
UntiIit's too Iate, that is:
You have to feed them, clothe them andkeep them heaIthy:
HeIIo, IittIe feIIow.
It's a Iot ofwork, and expensive, too:
Imean, you can't believe it.
I'II take him now, thank you.
Back to mummy.
Babies can put a reaI strain on a relationship,
even the strongest.
Believe me, Iknow firsthand:
My girIfriendandI, we're no different than any other coupIe:
When I first met her, she was pregnant andhomeless:
It was CCristmastime
andnobody had come in for days except to use the toiIet.
By the way, my name's danny Skeggs:
Just Iike it says on my name tag:
WOMAN: HeIIo.
I'm sorry, the toiIets are for empIoyees onIy.
I don't want to use your Ioo,
I just wanted to do a bit business with you.
Oh. Right. Sorry.
WeII, Iet's have a Iook.
CouId you teII me what this is worth?
FamiIy heirIoom?
It's my grandmother's.
(WINCING)
It's aII right. How much?
I'm not sure.
I mean, I'II have to Iook it up. Stay right there.
(PANTING)
(WOMAN GASPING)
Miss?
-What happened? -I don't know. You passed out.
-Do you want me to caII an ambuIance? -No. No ambuIances.
Are you sure? Perhaps you shouId see a doctor.
Look, can you just teII me how much for the braceIet?
WeII, it's worth about £350, but I can onIy afford to give you 75.
-You shouId probabIy hang on to it. -I can't. I need the money.
But it beIonged to your grandmother.
Look, I'II just take the £75, okay?
(GASPING IN PAIN)
Sit here.
-You aII right? -Yeah.
-Yeah? -Yeah, I'm fine.
Sorry. Sorry, peopIe, they don't come back here much.
It's okay.
She's pretty.
Don't.
Look, have you got somewhere to Iive?
Look, if you're not wiIIing to give me the money...
-You couId stay with me. -What?
No.
At Ieast untiI the baby's born. It's an option.
That's very nice of you, but I couIdn't.
-I don't even know you. -There's not much to know.
I own this shop. I Iive aIone.
Besides, you couId keep your grandmother's braceIet.
And...
And what?
It's Christmas.
(JINGLEBELLS PLAYING)
No one shouId be aIone at Christmas.
I just wanna heIp.
Are you IoneIy, Danny?
Danny...
No one caIIs me that anymore. I Iike it.
-Yes, I am. -Me, too.
Look, Danny, I'm gonna be reaIIy honest with you.
This baby's father hurt me reaIIy badIy.
And I'm not Iooking for anyone to repIace him.
What I need is a friend.
Right.
I understand.
Friends.
dANNY:: Teresa was wonderful:
As the months passedby IreaIized that for the first time in my Iife,
Iknew what it was Iike to be in Iove:
It didn't matter that she was pregnant with another bIoke's baby:
Or that we didn't.::
You know.
I couldn't have caredIess:
AII that mattered was her happiness:
DANNY: And he just went spIat.
That never happened. You're making it up.
No one's daft enough to dry a wet hamster in a microwave oven.
It happened to a friend of a sister of one of my customers...
-It's true, I swear it. -What do you know?
I know this.
I reaIIy Iike having you here, Teresa.
You can stay here as Iong as you want.
You and the baby. I mean that.
I appreciate that.
I Iove you.
I'II cIear the dishes.
That Iook she'dgiven me clinchedit.
She was in Iove with me, too, in a big way:
It didn't matter how we started:
We were together now and everything was perfect.
Me, Teresa and the baby:
(BABY CRYING)
I thought you said we were going to the cinema tonight.
I can't. Not with his tummy hurting. Why can't you go by yourseIf?
Because I went by my bIoody seIf Iast time!
I want to go with you, Iike we used to.
Oh, grow up, DanieI.
Maybe he wouIdn't be crying aII the time
if he didn't have that bIoody, great stupid birthmark on his arse!
Fuck you!
I think it was obvious: I wasn't angry for me:
I was angry for Teresa:
That baby, Mr: Needy, was draining the Iife out ofher:
He aIways had to be the center ofattention:
Itjust wasn't heaIthy:
For her own good, and for the good ofour relationship,
something had to be done:
-TERESA: I'm sorry about Iast night. -It's aII right.
I think aII our probIems are just temporary.
I aIways wanted to do mime. Did you?
Do you want a hot dog?
Yeah. Yeah, that wouId be IoveIy.
Are you warm? Are you happy?
Stop it, Bernard.
Don't throw it so high, you're ruining my pacing.
I warned you,
but you had to go ahead and do it anyway, didn't you?
I aIways end my act with it.
It's my piéce de resistance,
but you, you just couIdn't Ieave weII enough aIone.
Oh, you're jeaIous.
The box within the box within the box has aIways been my iIIusion!
-Mine! -Not anymore. I do it better!
You stuck up bitch!
Turn around!
I toId you. Don't criticize me!
Stop it, you bastard, or I'II caII the poIice!
(BABY CRYING)
Danny!
Stop! My baby!
Stop him, he's got my baby! Someone!
My baby!
My baby! Stop him !
-You aII right? -Catch him ! Get my baby!
Stop!
Come back!
Stop!
(LAUGHING)
Everything hadgone as pIanned:
We were free:
(SOBBING)
There must be something you couId do.
Look, I'd give up a month's pay if I couId hand you that baby tonight.
We're going to do everything we can.
The birthmark heIps,
but if we couId just have a better description of the guy who...
I toId you! I couIdn't see him. What do you want from me?
Teresa, come on, now.
You did everything you couId.
We both did.
Why did they take my baby?
Here, give her these, they'II make her sIeep.
-Give you a chance to rest. -Thank you.
For what it's worth, I've got three of my own.
If I ever caught someone Iooking funny at one of them,
I'd kiII the bastard faster than he couId scream poIice brutaIity.
Look, Mr. Skeggs,
I have to IeveI with you.
Over 100 babies turn up missing in this country every year.
Most are what we caII custody snatches,
a few are grabbed by the emotionaIIy disturbed,
then there's the bIack market.
The rest...
(STAMMERING) So you're teIIing me the odds aren't good?
I'm teIIing you to prepare yourseIf.
If this doesn't work out, it's gonna be a Iong road back.
I want my baby.
-I want my baby back. -Don't worry.
PIease, God, give me back my baby.
We'II get him back.
Danny?
Yeah?
WiII you sit with me?
PIease.
Yeah, sure.
Remember, no matter what happens, you've stiII got me.
I'II stiII be here.
It'II be Iike the oId days.
Better, even.
We can have our own baby, if you want.
I Iove you.
Danny, don't.
Stop it.
Danny, stop.
I want to show you.
Danny. Danny, stop it! Stop it!
Fuck, don't touch me!
Don't you understand? I don't want you.
I want my baby.
Teresa neededa hero:
IfI couldreturn the baby to her, she'dhave to Iove me:
You what?
Get the fuck out of here.
-I want my baby back. -You can't have him back.
He's gone.
What do you mean? You onIy picked him up the other day.
Yeah, and he's aIready been pIaced, you Mancie.
Do you have any idea what a white newborn baby is worth?
Yeah.
ExactIy what you paid me. £2,000.
Ten times that, idiot.
I know doctors and Iawyers who'd queue up
round the bIock for a pIacement Iike him.
That kid was signed, seaIed and deIivered in under two hours.
Now, Iook, you get my baby back
or I'II have the poIice in here so fast your head wiII spin.
Okay, okay. Sit down.
-You made your point. -Just get me my baby back.
Snaps!
Meet DanieI Skeggs.
-How's it hanging, Skeggs? -AII right, I suppose.
Mr. Skeggs here was just teIIing me he wanted his baby back.
He said if we don't, he's going to caII the poIice.
Sounds pretty grim.
I'm desperate.
My girIfriend...
We paid you good money for the kid.
That makes you an accessory to kidnapping.
The poIice wouIdn't Iike that much.
But they wouIdn't have to know.
You're stiII not getting it, Skeggs.
It's Iike this!
If I ever see you again,
if I ever even hear your name,
you are a dead man!
Now...
Get him out of here.
(TERESA HUMMING)
Teresa?
-Teresa? -Danny,
can't you see he's asIeep?
Mummy's IittIe baby was hiding in the rubbish behind the fIat, weren't you?
Yes, you were. But I found him.
No! No!
No!
I'II take him back.
Sorry, what did you say?
My baby.
PIease, give him to me.
Holding the baby suddenIy got me thinking:
I can make Teresa better andbe her hero:
AIIbabies Iook aIike:
They aII eat, sIeep and cry:
What's the difference?
Ifyou ask me, one baby's as goodas another:
Thank you.
No!
My baby!
It's aII right.
The boss was right about you, mate.
-He had a feeIing you'd try something. -Over here.
-There he is! -Come on, Iet's get him !
-Get him ! -Give me that kid!
-After him ! -Stop him !
Give me that kid!
Get the baby away!
Bastard!
Give him to me.
It was Teresa 's baby, my baby:
But there was nothing I could do about it now.
It's funny the effect a baby can have on peopIe:
Poor DanieI.
I bet he never thought he'd get such a kick from faIIing in Iove.
At Ieast in the end, he did the writhe thing.
As for me, kiddies, I've got to get back to my game.
I've been on quite a winning shriek.
Now, that's what I caII a service break.
(CACKLING)